I was born on the seventh day of the seventh month of the year. This may not mean much to most people but to a girl that was wondering what her place was in this world, in her family but most importantly, in her Father’s eyes, it’s an understanding of her identity.

Growing up, I was always told that I wasn’t planned, or that I was unexpected, even my mother’s doctor got mad at her for getting pregnant for the fourth time. This was because my two older brothers were born with an immune deficiency, called Bruton’s Disease. This genetic disease only affects the male, or X chromosome where the females are carriers. It is characterized by low levels of immunoglobulins, which are proteins or antibodies made by the immune system to fight off infections. Therefore, without knowing if I was a girl or boy, the doctor was worried that my mother would have three boys with the same disease. And thirty years ago, medicine wasn’t was it is now.

But to soften the blow, my mom likes to tell me of a time she was fixing the bed and God told her I was a healthy girl. However, as a self-depreciating, insecure pre-teen, it fell on deaf ears. The enemy had already made a play at my heart. He wanted me to feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. And I did.

Although I was raised in the church, it wasn’t until I was in college that I really decided to pursue a relationship with God. So, in all that time, these seeds of unwantedness, unworthiness and unlovedness, took root. I can tell you now, I didn’t truly know the Father’s heart for His children. The more I shed myself from religion and clothed myself in relationship, the clearer He became. In fact, a major turning point in my relationship with God came when I learned the biblical significance of the number seven. The biblical meaning of seven is a “physical and spiritual completeness and perfection.” Let me pause right here to say that I am nowhere near complete or perfect- actually, I think that was my initial thought upon learning this meaning. But the more I reflected and found the number seven in scripture, the more I understood God’s love for me.

Now, this revelation didn’t come automatically. I spent time with it and reflected on it over and over again. Sometimes it takes time to uproot the unloving seeds the enemy likes to sow, especially since most of my adolescence was spent in a constant search of belonging. I would continually ask myself if I really belonged in my family, if they loved me or I was needed in this world at all. I think a lot of young people, especially young girls, find themselves asking these questions.

However, as I got older and matured, I fell deeper and deeper in love with God. And as it does when you go deeper with Him, He reveals facets of His heart, bit by bit. Consequently, Scripture begins to jump off the page as if life had been breathed into it, giving a full understanding of the term “Living Word.” Worship music gives way for tears that we have previously held back from shedding. And we begin to see others as our brothers and sisters, intentionally intertwined in our paths for His Glory. Getting to know Jesus this way, can only be done through revelation by the Holy Spirit and through encounters with Him. I truly believe He yearns for an intimate relationship with all of us that craves priority, vulnerability, and authenticity.

Furthermore, it’s in this relationship that I found my identity: a beloved child of God. I was born on the seventh day of the seventh month of the year because He designed it that way. By His love, I am perfect and complete. He is a purposeful God that formed me in my mother’s womb to specifically complete His design of my family. And it’s in His perfect love for me that I may find confidence and no longer fear the enemy’s attacks. Though I fall short most days, I know I am loved by a good, good Father. I know that I am wanted and I know that I am His worthy servant. Scripture sums it up this way,

“So, we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:16-19

Lastly, now that I am an aunt to the most amazing nieces and nephews a girl could ask for, it has never been so clear to me as to why God completed my family with me. As their Emmie, God has revealed more and more facets of His heart. Not only does every scripture about becoming childlike make more sense, but I don’t think I ever really knew unconditional love before falling in love with them. If my love for them is anywhere close to the love He has for His children, then, boy, are we cherished and adored. We are beloved.